... continued from page two Do they each lead their own lives, have their own relationships outside? Veronica: Yes. But is this a healthy arrangement ? Veronica : As long as there is peace within the family which provides an environment for the growth of the children. I think divorce is far more traumatic but if the individuals involved are being destructive to each other, bickering, fighting then they had better not live together. As a sex partner are we fairing better? Veronica: I think we have grown out of our inhibitions to be a sexually good partner. Women who come into marriage these days have some sexual experience and they therefore expect to receive or are willing to give. They express their sexual preferences. I don't think any woman, at least not among the professionals, is suffering in silence these days. As mothers, how are we different from our own mothers? Veronica: We are more indulgent and can be over protective because of the number of children we have now. I have chosen to have one because I find that I cannot spread myself thinner. I can't devote more quality time to them if I have more, and my husband says I am excessively protective of my son. Society is putting this big burden of guilt on us that we are career women and our children will turn out as delinquents. I would hope my son doesn't turn out to be delinquent and I will do my best to be the best mother I can but if something happens along the way I can't say it was due to neglect. I don't think I had neglected my responsibilities. Even a child whose mother is there for him 24 hours a day is susceptible to become a delinquent. What about our role as daughters? Veronica: We are still as filial, and more caring and loving than men. It is the way our bodies were created. We were created to be nurturous. That is in fact the primary and functional role of a woman. All other roles are secondary, roles that we have taken on. This is the primary evolutionary role. It is a basic instinct that exists. We will nurture an animal, a child. This is where parents should realise that it is going to be their daughters who will nurture them in their old age rather than their sons. Then again there are exceptions in men but in general terms I would say it would be the daughters in the family who care for their aged parents. What hang ups do the modern woman generally have, if any? Veronica: To me the biggest problem women have is being women. This is where we come back to femininity. They have a big problem with femininity. They feel they shouldn't allow it to surface. For example, in dressing for the office. I choose to dress the way that it makes me feel good, that makes me look attractive. It doesn't mean that I have to wear long skirts if I think I look nice in a short skirt, and it flatters my figure. I can still go out and sign a million dollar deal. Yes, you dress for the part but it doesn't mean that you go to work everyday in a blue suit and it must look the same, a skirt, blouse, pumps. This is something I would like to tell other women. Don't deny yourself the right to be attractive in order to be successful for it doesn't mean you are less capable. This is one of their hidden fears - that they are perceived as being not capable if they portray their femininity. If you are not good in what you do no matter how businesslike you look you're not going to be successful anyway. Can you comment on how we compare to our western sisters? Are we a better women? Veronica: Each society gives its women its own privileges and women in different societies are excelling in different areas. They have their advantages and we have ours. We are more subtle because of our culture and the men we do business with in this part of the world. Our Asian men because of their upbringing over the years would not like someone who is going to be competing with him. So you are just creating unnecessary problems for yourself by being aggressive. We also have the advantage of western education and eastern culture which is something a lot of woman should look at. A western education, university education, has exposed us to all the technologies, all the information that we need for any area of business that we want to go into and the eastern culture has taught us a lot of value systems. I enjoy being an eastern woman with my western education and being able to have an international mind set. So we're not necessarily the better woman but we have the perfect blend of the best from east and west. So how would you profile the typical Malaysian woman? Veronica: She is focused on what she wants and that is to have a better quality of life. This is a new trend and that's what we are all working towards. We want to enjoy our lives as women. Closing words? Veronica : There is no such thing as a fifty-fifty relationship and if a woman insist on that there would be a lot of friction in a relationship. So it is okay for her to be submissive to a certain degree to maintain a consensus with her partner. For us to change the attitudes of our men, we can't all be vocal or get together to have a parade to make big changes. What I believe in is when we come into contact with every man in our lives, be it our husbands, friends, business partners, sons, we should try to instill in them one little change of view about what a woman was before, is today. That she is today a different person. If each one of us can do just that with one person we would make tremendous changes over the years. Well said, Veronica. And on that note we wish to express our appreciation for your enlightening views and for gracing our back cover. the full story | back | top | main | other people | back to mir